Greed

It controls.
It consumes.
It becomes unfriendly.
Untrusting.
Unworthy.
It turns people.
Makes smiles into ones filled with fake care.
Fake.
Unloving.
Nothing of what it should be.
Forgetting the fact behind it all.
Do you even care?
Or was it an act to gain money.
Items.
Wealth.
Greed.
It's disgusting.

ASL aspirations

www.aslpro.com

I really need to start asking around campus and see if there is a lady who will teach me ASL at winthrop.

So ms jillian. who is an amazingly strong woman. I do look up to her quite a lot. She's one of the strongest women I know. She has 5 children total. they're all her children, but she did adopt 2. 2 little boys who are deaf from ethiopia. They seem to be quite the challenge. She's stated that this week is some sort of ASL week, and her challenge to the fb world is to learn 10 signs using the link i put up there ^^

So far, I know make up your mind. Can you drive? and Can you wait there?
:D
i feel proud.

POV

Mother:Doesn't know my favorite color, let alone my favorite candy
Momma: Knows all about my favorites, just by paying attention
Mother: Sends a generic card of happy birthday
Momma: Sends a care box filled with favorite candies, awesome shirt, gift card and nail polish. <3
Mother: i don't miss at all
Momma: I really just wanna hear her advice and have coffee with.
Mother: i never talk to
Momma: I text all the time

I miss my momma.
Even if she isn't my blood mother.
She might as well be.
<3

dreams

what's the point of having dreams when you can't achieve them?
I don't mean sleeping dreams, but i guess goals.
You strive so hard to get to one place in life
You push harder and harder, until at the end,
you realized you're missing something
something so important that it's blocking you from yours dreams.
keeping you from the one thing you know will make your life worth living.
and then
the dreams disappear.
you have no other chance to reachieved this dream. this goal.
your life is now back to the daily grind.
filled with pain, annoying chatter, and loss.
your mind is made up of what-ifs? and nothing makes it better
you realized you wasted half of your life working on something you thought was amazing,
but in the end?
it was all for nothing.
nothing.
dreams.
what are the reasons why we have them?
what if in the end it was all false hope.
there's no chance to make things right.
no chance for you anymore.
no hope.
no life.
no dreams.


why do i have dreams...

hey. you're a college kid

grow the fuck up.
hey.
i don't have time for you.
chill the fuck out.
hey
sorry to break it to you, all the world doesn't love you.
hey.
quit bringing high school drama to college.
hey.
i'm so sorry that you don't understand
that i just don't give a fuck.

Sometimes

sometimes.
you just need to breathe
sometimes.
you need to hold on.
sometimes.

sometimes...

sometimes is sometimes all the time.
it never stops this circle of wants, needs, hopes and dreams.
Sometimes you think it.
that one word
and it never happens
you know it should be done.
but it will never happen.
sometimes,
you should listen to your inner voice
but sometimes it never happens.

brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things.

"Winthrop is one of the college with the most charitable students in SC"

You want to know why?

It's a grade. If we don't do "service learning projects" We fail the course. So we raise money for the poor, the sick, the hungry, the less fortunate. It's not because the students here care, but because it's FORCED.

Makes me sick.

CANstruction. Raising canned foods in a fun way. Lovely. wonderful. I'm very glad. But out of a class of 22 kids, only 3 maybe 4 are all for it.
Meaning? It's not really from the heart.

I support TWLOHA. I support Hope Haven. I support a lot. Why? Because I care. Because it hurts to see people worse then me because I know I've been through a small bit of hell. It makes me sad to see very loved and well-off kids not care and do nothing unless forced to do something for people who'd need it.

Why.

Why do this? Why force stuff? Yeah, maybe it will help if you force it, but it doesn't mean they'll do it again next year when It's no longer forced.
Shame on them.

It's all I have to say.

Shame.

hope.

With.
Hope.
It's two small words, but you don't ever really understand what it would truely mean to someone.
Everyone is different, yes?
With every person comes a different meaning.
Hope.
H.
O.
P.
E.
What's it really mean?
A second chance?
A new look on life?
A reason to live?
A reason to work harder?
What?
I'm not quite sure what it means to me except that I use it alot.
To others more than to myself.
Is that fair?
To give others the thought of hope when I'm not quite sure if I myself have this. Do I really have this thing called hope?
Is what why I try so hard to be here. To prove them wrong?
Is it because I'm in all honesty here to try to change my stars. To show that even though I'm a stat to others, to myself I can be more? Maybe.
I guess in a way I believe in hope.
But subconsciously. I believe. In a way I wish hope upon others more than myself. Maybe because they need someone to believe in them. Like others believe in me.

Maybe.

With. Hope.

happy birthday to me...

happy bithday to me.
happy birthday to me.
no best friend
just yelling again
happy birthday to me.

No visits
No letters
No happiness
No anything
Just the same
even when college is a factor.

I'm not sure why I though it'd be a big day just because this time the settings have been changed.

Nothing ever matters.

sleeping beauty

i wish i was sleeping beauty.
i wish i could sleep for years and years.
I wish things were so happy and free and college was not needed.
i wish i can just grab my prince and be happy and together.
just sleep for days until it was time to go.
go to my big castle.
with my prince who's madly in love with me
and i with him.
and just be together always.
free from pain.
free from hurt.
i want this.
more than anything.

but stories are stories and reality is never like this.

i guess i lose.
it all.
no prince
no love
no sleep
never to be together,
for always.
never needing college
never being happy.

reality.

there's somethin goin my mind. i thought i must convey.

a smart swollen red mark.
it's all it takes.
headache throbs.
but with something new, the old slowly fades.
aftermath is the best
the reminder ache.
the "good going stupid"
it makes me smile, but it feels like a frown.

"are you back? please be back."

it's a happy reminder.

it veers me away from mirrors.
i don't want to see it.
everyone looks the other way.
it feels nice.

ilovelittlesecrets

give me a chance

to try.
to be amazing.
give me faith.
hope.
a chance to prove myself.
i have the strength.
i have the courage.
greed in this mortal world is the only thing weighing me down.
i can out do anyone.
i can be anything.
i can be successful.
let me prove it.
i can do it.

please don't let me break
over something so small as pointless change.
please don't let me give up.
because of something so silly as paper rectangles.
let me go on.
let me fight.
i will be the greatest solder the world has ever seen.
i can fight through anything.
no one really understands how.
but i can.
i don't know why i try so hard to be something.
when no one tries to help.
Please let me do the impossible.
Please let me show the world.
That I.
Can be.
Great.

I can be.
Amazing.

I can be.
If they will let me.

Don't ever quit. No matter how hard it gets.

love.

I am standing alone,
These streets must have known,
I've been running from you.
I have placed high hopes in
Where gray skies begin
Where tears fall like the rain.

This is where my life is laid down
Please forgive me,
Please don't leave me, I know,
I'm so far from you.
Homeward bound let your grace resound
I am needing you.

Those whose hearts I hold close
Are those hurt the most,
By what's missing in me.
Trade-offs of open hearts
Found worthy of scars
May love show them all healed

This is where my life is laid down [x2]
Please forgive me,
Please don't leave me, I know,
I'm so far from you
Homeward bound, let your grace resound
I am needing you.

rain. rain. down.
rain. rain. down.
rain. rain. down.
rain. rain. down.

misses and kisses

take a sad song.
and make it better.

i miss how everything one.
it's lonely up here.
alone.
unwanted.
even your best friend hates you.
i'd love to cry for once in my life.
i want to.
quite badly.
no trust anymore.no hope or faith
just hate
so much hate.
i just want to go backwards instead of forwards.
maybe i should've taken a drink.
maybe i should've gotten more.
it wouldn't really help...
but it would for that moment.
i'll just cry later.
while in a practice room.
wishing there was a bed in there.
and some sort of comfort.