privileged

So many people in the world are so lucky.

Shit. Compared to so many I am a lucky one.

I have a great momma, a strong suga momma, a lady who watches me like a momma, and a band daddy. along with the grace of having to know so many great people and having a little sister I love as well as 2 sisters that I adore. Other people never have the privilege to know family like I have within these past few years. No it was not my whole life, but the short amount I have experienced is much more than anyone else probably could. For this I am a lucky one. I am rich in love and that will by far be greater than anything money will give me.

I heard today from a guy I know complaining about where his life has gone. 23 and still a server, not in school anymore. He talked of his past and where he was a few years back. started college with $1000 and a job and a promising life before he threw it away. He ended his story with "If there is a God, then I'll be fucking pissed".

Such anger and rage coursed through my body. You're mad at God that you fucked up your own life??? How dare you?! People have to die EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. because they don't have clean water, good food to eat, CHILDREN. die. everyday. I'm not even going to talk about the struggles I go through by being in college. I sound pitiful compared to stories I know. All I could think about were the Andersons and what they go through. What their sons go through. They never have hated God so much as this guy does and half of it is not something caused by them.

How. dare he. blame someone [even if he doesn't believe in him] for HIS mistakes that was brought on by HIMSELF.


Then I was reminded by all the blessings I had. My good with the bad. and All I can do is be thankful that I went through that rage to figure out during my stressful time what I did have and how great it was.


Your turn.

good will hunting

i hate you.
yet i love you.

"my boy's wicked smart." <3

haha i think he's my favorite character. i don't even remember his name.

It makes me smile to see the bruins and junk in this movie. :D

"do you like apples?"
"...yea...."
"well i got her numba. HOW DO YA LIKE THEM APPLES??"
hahaha


super good.


i miss being home.

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother; for those were some of the best times of my life.”

"girl wipe your eyes. just close the door it'll be alright."

your daddy's trippin. the needle in his arm.

your daddy don't love you anymore.



mmm. i just lost all hope for myself.
again.
probably not for real because it's 2am and i haven't slept well the night before.
and i'm stressing over finals and this may. i truly am.

It's time for Pedro to come save me.
from the terrors with myself.

I'm alone anyways.

went to a concert today

this is what made me almost cry....

"I was born to love only you; My soul has formed you to its measure; I want you as a garment for my soul. Your image is written on my soul. For you I was born, for you I live, for you I must die, and for you I give my last breath."

Winthrop people sang this in french tonight. It was so. beautiful.

"For you I live, for you I must die, and for you I give my last breath."


"for you I give my last breath."

You know how POWERFUL those words are?

How scary yet so romantic and deep they are?

You don't say things like this to just anyone.

If you did, you're a douche.

God it just took my breath away. So strong. just a few sentences. and I just melt...

good quote...

The greatest irony of life is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life and sometimes you think you’re already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love; love is always present. It’s just the one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little as we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. Here’s a piece of advice: let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough and move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more, surely then, you will know true love.



Maybe.

two long full years

in 2 weeks. it'll be two full years since i've had this blogger.

It's been two full years since I've started this blog, out of hurt, pain, and troubles. Happiness has been there just unwanted to be posted. This blog was one of a few started on hurt, loss, pain, and worry.

it's been a long time. a lot has changed. I miss a lot from my past.
I hate knowing a lot has stayed the same...







...


i still feel alone.

if you do love her...

go after her. fuck, dont sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because thats what you should do if you love someone, dont wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, dont let people happen to you, dont let me happen to you, or her, shes not a fucking television show or tornado. there are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at 4 in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and i always thought id be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on 4 days notice because you cant just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyones idea of love but it is the way i can recognize it because that is what i do. go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.

tell me things. about myself. that i don't already know.

thegracelessherd.bandcamp.com

check it out. <3

i love driving at night. gives me time to think about a lot.

sadly, i also need money for gas and cannot do this often.

the world turns into a different place. the world looks sooo different.

i enjoy it.
it's like a breath of fresh air.