so.

who's heart hurts so bad?
mine.
no big deal though.
it happens all the time
it's just been a while
it'll be better again.


how much can a human heart handle?

anger

I hate being poor all the freaking time.

I hate this whole the world's ending crap.

I hate rich people.

I hate girls who instantly think they're "photographers" cuz they know photoshop and have an amazing camera.

I hate that America has so many lazy people.

I hate that there are illegals here roaming free when my mom fought to be here legally.

I hate that I can't visit my family in Rhode Island this summer.

I hate that I can never sleep.

I hate that my boyfriend sometimes has a life without me.

I hate that I feel that way.

I hate a lot.

It's making me sick. Literally.

I can't sleep from all this hate.

I hate that there's no one to talk to so late at night...

Because normal people sleep by now.

...

I hate that I'm not normal.

i hate these nights

these nights when i can't sleep

not. even.

not even 24 hours here. i actually made the choice to visit my mom and called about it.

instantly, yelling, screaming. fighting.

being told "do you know how much you've hurt your father?" "but he's forgiven you."

EXCUSE. ME.
He's. forgiven. me.

I'm really glad.
I really am.

fuck you. and your shit.
you're damn lucky i'm visiting at all this month.
It's not for you. It's for grandma.
I hate your shit.
I got mad because my father lied to you about something I said. excuse me, you're gonna defend him? No.
You said he should come help me unpack. Oh. but what about his poor back, and leg and whatever the fuck else is wrong with him. Fucking prick.
DO. NOT. DEFEND. THAT. LIAR.
I hate. getting my words twisted.
[yeah cam, i know. i do it too. but it's different when it comes to my parents.]
I. hate. being here.
not because of anything else but because of my parents.

ugh.

already ready for school.

a heart torn

All this week I've been telling my friends in rock hill how much I miss beaufort and my momma and how i wanted my momma. How I missed the beach and ms angie and tori and cammie. How I wanted to just see everyone and feel no worries.

Now I'm here. I wanna go back home. It's muggy and gross and I feel homesick. haha I just want all the people I love to come with me and stay in rock hill. :D It would solve my problem with wanting two different places at once.

I'm quite selfish. But I do miss my momma. a lot. and all the people who care for me.


oh silly me....
but i really do miss home...haha

I wish

I wish I had that momma to talk to, that's been there in the past all my life.

I wish I had faith in myself more than anything else.

I wish I was more able to be strong.

I wish I didn't have to fight anymore.

I wish this all would go away.

wishing gets you nowhere.