not fair.

I'm going on little kid full rant mode.

It's not fair that some people I know are stuck without some way to go something to do and it's not either fault.
:(

It's not fair that other people suffer for things that's really not their fault.
:(

just.
i hate how life sucks this bad sometimes.


that.
is all.

will you fly with me? take me away from here my love...

Time travels through my mind. this is the second time I've tried writing this blog. Blogging. It's something I'm slightly embarrassed about. I want to lose myself in music for a week....a month...a year. Just be consumed. Don;t have to eat or do human styled things. but be encased in a world of black and all that happens is music. the good kind.


Is that possible? Most likely not. Food is too good anyways. haha

I missed Hailey a lot at the concert btw. Sara scared me with her attraction to older creepy guys. I don't like the way she's going and I hope she cleans up quick.

This title....may never happen to me. It's just. So. frustrating sometimes to think that way, but it always seem inevitable. Inevitable....ha....another good song....


It's a bit funny. A new friend of mine from a wonderful concert with good music and good people were talking. He's name's Alex. cool dude, really sweet. It's his conversations that's kinda making me blog right now. I wonder if he's reading this once I finish typing...Will I really follow what my mind set is and probably die cold and alone? I almost pray now for an early death. 30-40 sounds amazing. It's funny to think. Death sounds amazing. It's even weird to hear myself say it in my mind.

Why is it I talk about death all the time?

Can I stop please??

I guess that's all.

Three steps from this nightmare.

That line is from Pardon Me. Sung by Staind. I don't care who you are, I love that band. It's just good music when you're upset.

In fact...I'm gonna post the lyrics.

I'm one stop
From a breakdown
Two steps from
Being safe
Just try to
See this through
I'm three steps
From this nightmare
And four steps
From the door
The rest is
Up to you

Pardon me while I
Just turn my back
And walk away
Pardon me if I
Can't listen
To the things
You say
Pardon me if I
Can't fake it
While you still believe
Pardon me

I'm one step
From forgiveness
And two steps
From my grave
We're all just
Passing through
Three steps
From redemption
Four from the
Devil's door
On a path
That leads to you

Pardon me while I
Just turn my back
And walk away
Pardon me if I
Can't listen
To the things
You say
Pardon me if I
Can't fake this
While you still believe
Pardon me

Pardon me while I
Just turn my back
And walk away
Pardon me if I
Can't listen
To the things
You say
Pardon me if I
Can't fake it
While you still believe
Pardon me

I'm two steps
From salvation
But i'm only
Taking one
Pardon me


I'm scared...Out of my mind scared....I want to leave now before I hear anything more...I'm not sure what I'll do if the same letter comes for me but from Winthrop instead of USC. For those who are reading [haha...] and not know what I'm talking about...I applied to be a music major at USC and Winthrop. they were my top two. academically, I was accepted to both. I auditioned at USC for music not too long ago. Today a letter came in the mail informing me that my skills as a musician was not high enough to follow a career as a music major at USC. I'm very scared to hear what Winthrop has to say once I audition for them in April...

What am I suppose to do if Winthrop also rejects me?

...What am I suppose to do...

*sigh*

Hailey is the true master of words. For I've struggled with what to say on how I feel for the past 2 months. Two months I wanted to tell someone how I am, and two months I have failed.


Honestly, what Hailey has said is only lightly touching the surface but I couldn't even get that far.


*sigh* How I love that girl. I'll miss her forever in college...If I get that far.


I think tonight is a perfect night to watch P.S. I Love You. I need something wonderful to cry over, and not my own pathetic life.

I won't fall for your lies again

Lies.

It seems to be my word.

Well, everyone says it to be.

But that's a different story.


I miss my Caroline. I want her here.

God only know how much I want a strong drink...and I don't drink.

It scares me how much I want to be drunk right now.

It's just a phone call away....

Thankfully I stop myself....


I hate how my life is going.


I hate how I'm breathing.

I hate how I feel like everyone hates me.


I hate.


Myself.