day seven

biggest impact is easy.

Cameron A. Nickle.
even if i get all bitchy.
he handles it.
love him for it all.

day six. up to date

favorite. superhero.
superman.
i've loved him since i was like 5.
i always thought he'd save me.
i guess i'm still waiting for him to take me away

day five

look up lodge.

day four

habit i wish i didn't have...

it's between self-esteem issues or blaming myself for everything.

Day three. [i'm catching up.]

picture #1 newer buddies. The lovely courtney. cammie of course. Grey who rocks. and Silly Lindsey.

picture #2 My band girls. Olivia[flute] Angie[Clarinet] and Dee. [Trumpet]

day two. [kinda late.]

Lucie: Girl version of Lucifer. Opposite of an Angel.

a static lullaby=love

Take this for what it's worth
This song, my smile
Now take this for what it's worth
This song, my smile
Smile

I write to you from hell my song, leaving the foot against the gas
And the wall that must have said your name
(I write to you from hell tonight)
Weaken me, for nothing you can say can stop this now
Would a noose replace his lips?
(Would a noose replace)

Can a song replace a broken heart?
Now can a song replace broken love?
No

On the beach, I remind myself
That holding hands is so powerless
Tonight, I don't even have the stars
To hold onto
(To hold onto)

Paint
Paint this red
Paint this red
Yeah, paint this red
Paint
I'll paint this red
I'll paint this red
Paint this red

Her picture will remain unbroken,
she cries tonight, "I fall in love"
(I fall in love)
Wipe each tear away with sandpaper
Tonight I'm not alone
And I just wanna get your fucking voice out of my head

Can a song replace a broken heart?
Now can a song replace broken love?
No

Fall within the brake
Won't you fall within the brake?
Won't you fall?
Why won't you fall?
On the brake?

On the beach, I remind myself
That holding hands is so powerless
Tonight, I don't even have the stars
To hold onto
(To hold onto)

Can a song replace broken love?
Now can a song replace broken heart?
No
No
No
No

<3
best song award? I think so.

Day One. Here I Am.

1. I love Harry Potter. Everything about it makes me smile. and cry. >.>
2. I'm a Music Education Major. Meaning I'll have a double major....yipee...
3. I have THE WORST self-esteem.
4. I have very little friends.
5. I enjoy many other genres of music other than rock.
6. Jamming with Cameron's mom makes me feel like I'm really her daughter.
7. I enjoy drinking from time to time...
8. I think smoking is stupid as hell.
9. I miss people I forcefully distance myself from.
10. I like to think I'll never meet someone who will actually marry me and I'll die by the age of 25. [maybe that's more of a wish?]
11. I don't believe that marriages last. ever.
12. I don't trust women. I do however, trust savannah chicks. XD
13. People who change after having a bf or a gf suck ass in my opinion. [*cough*Scotti*cough* lulwat?]
14. I hate the heat.
15. Because of this summer, my ideal job is basically anything with a ac unit in the workplace...


there you go.

The shadow in the background of a morgue.

30 Day Challenge.
Day 01 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02 - The meaning behind your Blogger name
Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06 - Favorite super hero and why
Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08 - Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09 - Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 - A picture of you and your family
Day 15 - Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16 - Another picture of yourself
Day 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives w/ for one day and why
Day 18 - Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19 - Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Day 26 - What you think about your friends
Day 27 - Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 - In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30 - Who are you?

It's hard to dream. even harder to remember.

Night #5 of a fitful sleep.
If you want to call 5 scatted hours a night sleep...
Yet again, dreams of torment. Of pain. Of hate. Anger. Despair. and Depression haunt my being. Yet again medication does nothing.
"It's natural"
"It's unhealthy"
"Just don't over do it"
Yeah...why bother when it never works.
Maybe if I take 6mg of That sleeping aide plus some nyquil I'll stay asleep tonight.
I've even gone to starting to sleep at about 10, at the latest 11, shutting my cell off, and clearing my mind.
Nothing.
I've even gone to self induced pain in my sleep.
I didn't know you could do that...
Till last night.
My face is sore and my fingernails hurt.
From punching myself.
In my sleep.
I didn't know until the pain from the punch woke me up.
I didn't know I was telling myself even in my sleep that I hate myself. I thought it was all a dream.
I guess not.
I scare myself more now than before.
I'm not sure what to do.
Or if anyone can help me.


Have I gotten so bad that even my subconscious self agrees with my conscious self?


Terribly. Quite terribly. A Terrible Misery.