well hello there.

Angel has THE hardest time sleeping.

Sleep and I are horrid friends. I'm not sure why yet, but I never am allowed to get any sleep. I nap a good bit to make up for it while I don't have classes. I'm quite worried about my sleep patterns.

I miss sleeping on my firm-ish bed. the actual bed.

It's been about a year or so since I've had my own bed. an actual bed. Sad, right?

I can't wait to get an apartment. I get to get my own bed and kinda-house and live fine and dandy. I'm quite excited to get to that point in my life.

Pandora is kickin ass musically for me.

lotsa music mellow-ness I enjoy.

Gabe Dixson Band.

and The world turned.

AWESOME. song.

I loveeeee the piano.

I think I need to visit Marc so I can be awed by his piano magic. haha. His fingers like FLY over those keys and he can make my soul cry. It's quite amazing.

Very close to Jesse.

I would love to go back to my passion for flute. Maybe I'll force it soon here and play soon...I have so much music to work on....3 composers are a lot...

LeClair. how funny.

either way.

mmm.

beautiful music.

No matter what happens, Music can't be ugly to me. I can control it to be as beautiful as I want it to be. I love it.

I'll never be alone that way. I'll have my music forever.

Maybe that's how Drake feels.....that's why Drake's in his 30's and hasn't thought of marriage yet. Music IS his marriage. His life and love. Kinda like me.

I hope I get that far.


b.t.dubs. Caring is Creepy. ;) look it up.


When the hell did I turn into a Indie kid?

I need to quit enjoying the minds of potheads. This is the problem I believe.

I miss Jacob. I miss talking to him on Thursdays and laughing and getting his hugs and him looking at me just like a Brother should. I miss my brother.

Odd. I've never had a brotherly friend before....

I think I need to stop by orangeburg before I go home. I need to see Jacob. I need a hug and for him to tell me to shut up everything's going to be ok and that he'll look out for me even when he's not around and twirl me around like I'm 5 or something. I love that boy. I'm so glad he's got Anna, she's so sweet and pretty. :)

I feel like I've failed because I left Ms. Jillian's book in Rock Hill. I'm sucha dummy.

Well that just topped it off anyways.

I wish I was smarter and better...no matter how much help I ask for, It's hard to get.


Take these broken wings and fly.
All your life.
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.


Blackbird fly.
<3

I realized the other day It's time for me to make a real friend at Winthrop and to stop distancing myself. That's why I have no real friends in Beaufort. I'm quite the dummy. I mean Jacob was one....but he's left. Time to try to be a good girl and be social and learn to not only find a friend, but be one again. Not the usual drone.

I miss Brad I think. And Brian. And Clint even.

Psh. I need a drink. Who the hell am I kidding. I need to fuck it all and drink and be alone. Just me. And my music.

if you never try, you never know...

God I need to learn to sleep. and face these silly nightmares. They're not that bad honestly. I just need to get overrrr it. honestly.


guide me home.

interesting project

thoughtquestions.com/page/3

This website has pictures with questions on it.
I'm gonna answer them randomly. :)

1. I would like to forgive myself. My mistakes are done. I need to understand this fully and accept it. Luckily, I've realized this with the help of a couple of my friends.

2.I want them to want to know more honestly. I don't want to be summarized so quickly and be something a little less predictable.

3. I would not have made that major mistake a few nights ago. I regret this dearly, and it's one thing I need to learn to forgive myself for. Mistake is done. Others have forgiven me. It's my turn.

4. I'm not quite sure...maybe Ms Walker? I don't know honestly.

5. Oh jeez, a lot. I lived my life in the fear of failing. It was all my parents did to me. Forever yelling, never praising. So probably a lot, but with that fueled a spite to prove that what I love, shall thrive.

6. Physically? I'm not sure because of my attitude on myself. Maybe my hands. They're dead useful.

7. Self-satisfaction I think.

the black keys

when i was.
13
my mom
said son
you're the one
i adore.

now i'm old.
and wise
when i see
your eyes
you're the one
i adore.

oh.....

oh.....

oh.........

oh.........

will you
be true
till life
is done
be the one
i adore

oh..

you're the one
i adore

oh....

oh....

i'll win your heart. with a whoop-a-woo

whoop-a-woo: A wolf's whistle. In word form.

Awesome.

I feel so disappointed in myself.

How could I do this?

I hate myself so much for it.

nkvbghsuidddddddddddddzfgjkkkkkkertsjkldfbghavnui;jksgrvbhaner;jsgkhvearhjvogh;oer
ARGH!!!!!!





STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID!


NGHIOPERUFNJVZDKBGHEFRSJKLRGNHFRJKLNHSD!!!!!!

and all you guys suck for trying to tell me It's ok, because I just want to be hated for 2 seconds.

hi God. It's me again.

I know you don't wanna hear it.
But I need forgiveness big time.
I know you already know.
But can you give regular humans the same forgiveness?
I hope so.
I know I'm no pro with you.
I know I've basically ranked top 5 people going to hell now.
But could you possibly give me some sort of slack and help the ones closest to me to forgive me...?
And maybe not have me crash and fall more than I am?
No more. I promise this.
I know you hate me...but grace would be the best....
I'm sorry.


The [future] forsaken one.

The Maccabees.

Cradle me.
I'll cradle you.
I'll win your heart with a "whoop-a-woo"
Pulling shapes, just for your eyes.
So with toothpaste kisses.
And lines.
I'll be yours and you'll be...
Lay with me
I'll lay with you.
We'll do the things
That lovers do.
Put the stars in our eyes.
And with heart shaped bruises
And late night kisses
Divine.

glow. smile. live. breathe.

It took a lot for me to fight the dark recently.
A lot of bad with the good.
A lot of alone time.
A lot to feel that little hole in my heart again.
I see Ms. Jillian's little girls and how they smile and live.
I hear little tori's voice and smile.
I see my little sister fight to always be happy.
I remember how it was to be those little girls, filled with so much joy and hope.
I need hope.
I need to remember where I am and how I felt long ago.
"Cradle me, I'll cradle you. I'll win your heart with a whoop-a-woo"
<3

Smile.
because you have breath. Because you remember as you look outside and feel that cold air, that you're alive. That you can be a lot of things and you have the chance to prove them wrong.

Live!

when you hold my hand i swear that i believe...

i'm living in my wildest dreams.



sometimes college makes me sick.
What's so amazing about drugs?
What's so appealing?
It's stupid and takes over your life.
You just pay a shit ton of money to be a slave to a material thing.
really?

stupid.

it wasn't enough.

to keep you in my hands.
should i give up?
or try to understand...


What. The hell am I gonna do for a month back home?

just saying.

I'm fighting this mood.

I will win this war.

Never again will I become what I once was.

As the first semester comes to a close.

I'm scared. Terrified. What will happen to me. This is my only chance. I'm rushing this semester as a hopeful DO. [Delta Omicron] It's a music professional sorority. I don't know if I'll make it...I have like 22 class hours, and 18 credits. Plus work, and dealing with a shit ton of worries like I do all the time. Well...
here goes nothing.