sudden darkness

It just hits at the smallest thing.
It's so hard to explain.
I just want to cry and cry and cry.
over nothing.
over something actually.
something that happened a long time ago.
something that haunts
hurts.
it's so hard to explain.
i feel like a crazy person.
being so scared of a dream.
not being able to tell others.
I see him sometimes in my dreams.
he scares me awake.
He haunts me still.
I'm 4 hours away.
I could be 13 hours away in time zones and he'd still haunt.
still hurting
still scaring.
i'm afraid.
and i don't want to be any more.
please leave me alone.
i hate feeling like this.
like a crazy person.
or someone with a disease.
i hate this.
i hate who birthed me.
i hate this cursed life.



why was i placed in such a horrible place?
somewhere i can never be free?
i hate this.


please leave me alone.
it's been 2 years for me.
it's been almost 18 years for you.
isn't that enough?
you've had your fun.
let me be free