Sometimes life can be a little crazy...
I feel as though speed and time have become one. The speed on my life, my actions all slowing down and my life with it in that same pace. I'm ready to leave. For the ones who know me and read this, they know this isn't something new. I'm ready to leave this house, away from troubling parents and petty drama that lurks around every corner. I want to just be selfish and not care about my actions, and be stupid once in a while. I know it's not a good choice to take, I've made my biggest regret from this same thought process. I wish that there wasn't any consequences though. Life would be a little crazy though I think.
You ever think one day as you're waking up, wow. I'm actually doing all this crap. Am I really happy? I've gotten to the point of asking myself this everyday. I'm pretty sure I'm not happy. I have mental parents, who can't act like adult for the life of them. A sister in desperate need of care and understanding. I have very few friends now because of my lack of social skills and the start of a new school. Could I really be happy with my life? I do try. Very hard to be, but I try. I've gotten back in touch with an old friend, and he makes me smile a few times. It's nice enough. Music has always helped as long as my past auditions isn't brought up by anyone. I hate playing in my house because if I do, my mother tends to bring up my past auditions, and I don't think anything else would make me that depressed. I love my band, and my band directors. They always make things better, and the band room is always happy. It's like a drug of happiness, no one can be upset once you get in the room. My few good friends try really hard to get me out of the house whenever they can. It's all nice enough, but I think I just need to leave. Maybe go back home for a while. I'd love that. Meet up with my old friend. Chill somewhere nice. See a concert and get that music high. Maybe go back to camp and get that spiritual high. It might not help me fully, but it'd be nice to get that happiness for a short amount of time. I'm tired of working on things to not only find a way to make myself happy, but everyone else as well. An equal balance of happiness. It seem impossible to get.
Ah. well. so goes life. I think I am done being as emo as I can get...
Lovely~A.M.
You ever think one day as you're waking up, wow. I'm actually doing all this crap. Am I really happy? I've gotten to the point of asking myself this everyday. I'm pretty sure I'm not happy. I have mental parents, who can't act like adult for the life of them. A sister in desperate need of care and understanding. I have very few friends now because of my lack of social skills and the start of a new school. Could I really be happy with my life? I do try. Very hard to be, but I try. I've gotten back in touch with an old friend, and he makes me smile a few times. It's nice enough. Music has always helped as long as my past auditions isn't brought up by anyone. I hate playing in my house because if I do, my mother tends to bring up my past auditions, and I don't think anything else would make me that depressed. I love my band, and my band directors. They always make things better, and the band room is always happy. It's like a drug of happiness, no one can be upset once you get in the room. My few good friends try really hard to get me out of the house whenever they can. It's all nice enough, but I think I just need to leave. Maybe go back home for a while. I'd love that. Meet up with my old friend. Chill somewhere nice. See a concert and get that music high. Maybe go back to camp and get that spiritual high. It might not help me fully, but it'd be nice to get that happiness for a short amount of time. I'm tired of working on things to not only find a way to make myself happy, but everyone else as well. An equal balance of happiness. It seem impossible to get.
Ah. well. so goes life. I think I am done being as emo as I can get...
Lovely~A.M.
posted by Angel at
10:38 AM
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