judgement.

I like to really judge myself a lot. How fat I am. How my body is shaped. How my face is shaped. How smart I may or may not be.

I get really harsh. I see myself as always being able to fix something. My hair isn't long enough. My face is too wide right now. I'm too fat. I am not a size 2...I wish...

My eyebrows even are not the right shape. My make up sucks. My everything. My everything...

I'm not sure why I can't be satisfied with what I am. I just always want to fix it. Become perfect. THE Perfect of all perfect. SO beautiful that it hurts or something...
I'm not even sure why...

Maybe because I honestly am a little scared....I'm scared people will leave me...
For the smallest things.

I have quite the silliest worry.

Maybe that's why I'm so up for this marathon in November. I want to be able to sun all the time and gain this rockin body and be just amazing all the time. Secretly I think that's the only motivation for me to run. I look at other girls that are way prettier...and I just want to be them. Smaller boobs. Thinner waist. Long never ending legs. Pretty arms. Small face. Long hair. I just want it. I want to be that girl that KNOWS she's freakin beautiful and just is.

I would love to know...all the time. I'm sick of always being a jealous bitch. I'm ready to just be accepted by myself.

I'm ready to be drop dead beautiful now...That's why I run...