and though the news was rather sad, well I just had to laugh
well it's time.
for my own conclusions.
It's really rather sad.
I've felt the need to find every downfall for everything positive I've done.
Praise:
Becoming a decent piano player. From struggles to achievement, all without the help from a silly book. Part Asian genes? Maybe.
Fighting to keep my place here in Rock Hill...with some money to use for flute items.
Become more familiar with a Mac, without someone telling me, I just figured it out myself. This helps me in my tech classes and my job with the college. Finale, eat your heart out.
Finding more peace of mind here in the fresh crisp cold air and not missing one SINGLE thing about silly little beaufort. That area can kiss my ass.
Finding a friend or two that are quite sweet for now.
Meeting people and actually trying to be social. Trying to be something COMPLETELY different from what I was back home. It feels good.
Pains:
Dropped Aural Skills and Music Theory. It's kicked my butt and it has been only a couple months. I'm scared to see what will happen next semester.
Fearing the possible drowning in debt in the future.
The loss of my best friend.
The hate I feel when I'm forced to go back to beaufort.
The fear of commitment in ANY way.
The thought of my future recitals.
The lack of parental support TO. THIS. DAY.
Missing my little sister Tina all the time and seeing her grow up without me in her life when it's so important.
Being scared of losing the friends I have gained. I don't want to be alone again.
Fighting depression still and holding in anger.
Throwing tantrums in my room alone.
Crying over a movie because my life is done with tears. Cry for something that doesn't matter and can't cry when it's needed.
Fighting with my thoughts and hoping that I can graduate with a Music Ed. degree.
Trying to stay motivated.
God. please stop giving up on me. I've already done that. I don't need you to give up on me too. Give me the strength to keep going in my life. I don't want to give up now. I can't give up now. At least for the ones who have so much faith in me. Please watch over me these few years before I give up on myself fully. Please put hope in me because without it I don't think I'll be able to move from where I am now.
imsickofbeingemotionless....
for my own conclusions.
It's really rather sad.
I've felt the need to find every downfall for everything positive I've done.
Praise:
Becoming a decent piano player. From struggles to achievement, all without the help from a silly book. Part Asian genes? Maybe.
Fighting to keep my place here in Rock Hill...with some money to use for flute items.
Become more familiar with a Mac, without someone telling me, I just figured it out myself. This helps me in my tech classes and my job with the college. Finale, eat your heart out.
Finding more peace of mind here in the fresh crisp cold air and not missing one SINGLE thing about silly little beaufort. That area can kiss my ass.
Finding a friend or two that are quite sweet for now.
Meeting people and actually trying to be social. Trying to be something COMPLETELY different from what I was back home. It feels good.
Pains:
Dropped Aural Skills and Music Theory. It's kicked my butt and it has been only a couple months. I'm scared to see what will happen next semester.
Fearing the possible drowning in debt in the future.
The loss of my best friend.
The hate I feel when I'm forced to go back to beaufort.
The fear of commitment in ANY way.
The thought of my future recitals.
The lack of parental support TO. THIS. DAY.
Missing my little sister Tina all the time and seeing her grow up without me in her life when it's so important.
Being scared of losing the friends I have gained. I don't want to be alone again.
Fighting depression still and holding in anger.
Throwing tantrums in my room alone.
Crying over a movie because my life is done with tears. Cry for something that doesn't matter and can't cry when it's needed.
Fighting with my thoughts and hoping that I can graduate with a Music Ed. degree.
Trying to stay motivated.
God. please stop giving up on me. I've already done that. I don't need you to give up on me too. Give me the strength to keep going in my life. I don't want to give up now. I can't give up now. At least for the ones who have so much faith in me. Please watch over me these few years before I give up on myself fully. Please put hope in me because without it I don't think I'll be able to move from where I am now.
imsickofbeingemotionless....
posted by Angel at
4:23 PM
1 Comments:
Angel, it's not God that needs to stop giving up it is you. You must grasp things yourself, and stop waiting for miracles and for it all to just go away. You must grow up. You must mature and realize what it really means to be stable. You must do it yourself. You have refused help, you have refused advice.
My grandfather use to tell a story. There was a huge flood, and thousands of homes were displaced and this preacher and his family was up on his house. As the water started coming in, firemen came in with their firetruck to rescue to preacher and his wife. The preacher said, "No, My god will save me." The waters continued to rise and finally someone in a boat came by to rescue the preacher, "No, my god will save me." The water eventually reached the roof, where then a helicopter came back to rescue the preacher, "No, My god will save me." When the preacher and his family finally drowned, they went to heaven and asked god, "why did you give up on me?" God said, "Give up on you? I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want?"
Angel you have all that you need before you. You just can't see the forest through the trees. I hope you take something from this, because I don't want to see you give up. I don't want you to believe that god has given up on you. No one can help you, if you don't accept it Angel. Not even god. He gave us free will remember? That means he can't help us, unless we choose to be helped. The preacher was looking so hard for a miracle that he didn't find the ones staring him in the face.
Angel. Stop looking for a miracle. And find one.
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