continuing day thirteen

Dear.....

I can say a lot of words about you, but sadly none will help you understand where it comes from. I am mad at you. I have been for the past good few years of my life. I've had bursts of anger throughout the years to tell you all of this. None of it shows the full story.
Let's go back to where it really started getting bad.
Remember my 10th grade year? You probably don't. I don't remember much of it myself because I've suppressed so much of it. I came home in tears and in so much pain. Did you notice the blood? Did you notice the tears? No. You only saw the rain from my clothes dripping onto your perfect carpet. Sorry I got water on the floor. I ran in my room and didn't come out for weeks. What happened when you finally noticed? I got the flu. You laughed and told me to deal with it and walked away. I finally begging to go to the doctor and you let me go. It was too late to go. My competition for flute was 3 days away. the doctor said if I came 2 days before I would have been able to go. You sat there in the living room watching your fucking shows all day and laughed at me. called me names. I cried so hard because I wasn't allowed to do the one thing to make me happy. The last year I was able to as well. I earned that spot and it was taken away from me. By you. You never noticed me hurting myself.
"Where did all those bruises come from? Why are you bleeding?" Never was that heard. Instead you looked for reasons to give me new bruises. New pains. New scars.
But you don't understand why I hate you so much?
How about when I was being choked by him? I couldn't breathe and the fingerprints around my throat stayed for a week. What did you do? Nothing. You told ME. to say sorry. For what? I never understood. I never did apologize. I saw no need. When you dragged me from the driveway into the house by my hair and made me bleed yet again in front of guests, what did you do? Hit me as hard as you could with a metal rod screaming for me to tell you sorry. For what? I never understood. I'm sad to say I did break down and tell you sorry. You never deserved it.
Well let's go pretty recent. I was thrown across the room by him. and my head hit the corner of my bedside table. I was knocked out was a short while then back up when he started hitting me everywhere. I had bruises up and down my body. You just stood there. The worst part? I was actually defending you. I was actually going through this on purpose to fight for you and the hurt you went through because he cheated on you. What did you do? Turn your head.
I was the first born. You said mother always had the most pride for them. Where was your honor when it was tested? It figures. Never there. Never a mother.

Thanks mom, for leaving me out in the world to fight for myself. You told me that if I needed a bit of money you'd try to give me some. I finally broke down and asked. I was told no.

He's probably using his money for the hookers at temptations. I hope you know. and if not, he's probably having cyber sex with some ugly bitch on facebook.

Good job fucking up everything mom. I'll never see you again.